The final months of 2016 are extremely blurry in my memory, almost as if they didn't happen, at all.
I've always been interested in the various available drugs, how people react to them and how society views them. My personal self-imposed limit are the hardest drugs as I couldn't care less about heroin and crack cocaine. Cannabis is obviously a personal favourite, psychedelics are a goal in the future and benzos... well, these are best off left in the past, which brings me to this post.
A few years ago I tried oxazepam and diazepam recreationally, both of which are benzos distributed as pills. The relaxation was nice but not convincing enough, plus the risks of dependency and withdrawal didn't keep me on them for long.
Then came codeine and tramadol, both of which are opioids. I had to do cold water extractions as I only had pills with paracetemol also included. This is the closest I'll ever get to opiates and I'm not going back, as although the numb and chill effect was nice, the infamous "opiate itch" that came the mornings after was extremely annoying. And once again, the risk of dependency and withdrawals. Fuck that, seriously.
At the end of last year I got my hands on a big supply of alprazolam, more commonly known by its trade name of Xanax. It's without a doubt the most well known benzo, used to treat anxiety. But it also has a somewhat of a recreational side, glorified by depressed white rappers such as the $uicideboy$, and shunned by others such as Bones.
I spent most of November experimenting with different doses, times of the day and activities. As expected, in general, it made me more relaxed and somewhat more confident, nothing much. Until I drank alcohol whilst under the effects of Xanax... yeap, that's what fucked me up.
Alprazolam on its own already had its effects on my memory as I could feel the days passing by faster since I couldn't quite remember most of them, but when I drank alcohol under the influence, no matter how little... everything changed. I became the closest I could to a zombie. Whoever you are, reading this, I'll let you know right now: do not drink any alcohol after, whilst or before taking Xanax. You will regret it. With the politically correct warning written, allow me to tell you how things went downhill.
The first time my body experienced a high dosage of Xanax and alcohol was not planned. My tolerance grew quickly and I usually took between 5 and 10 mg on the morning on some days. One of these days after college classes, my friends decided to go chill and have a few beers. This is where my memory goes dark, I remember sipping on some beer (I don't even like alcohol that much) and then waking up at home, in my bed room with a half-eaten piece of bread next to my computer. What happened between these two moments was later explained to me by my friends.
Apparently, besides the general fucked up look, slurred speech and saying nonsense, I urinated on a spider web in some corner screaming for the spider to die, randomly crossed the street sprinting and nearly got run over, started random chats with people on social networks, answered my phone and blabbered nonsense... A family member picked me up and to this day still thinks I was just extremely drunk, although I was told I didn't even drink much. It's quite frightening looking back at all the things that could go wrong, the worse part being I couldn't remember anything, no matter how hard I tried.
From what I can remember, that was the only time I mixed both. The first 5 words of the last sentence is the big problem, though... who knows what else happened as I continued taking Xanax regularly up until December. It fucked up my memory and perception of things big time. There are simply days and moments which I will never remember. Drinking to forget doesn't work; however, drinking and taking pills... you'll forget and probably regret.
The last time I used alprazolam recreationally was in February, and I intend on keeping that as the last time. The effects on short- and long-term memory are simply not worth it just for the simple effects it had, which I wouldn't even call a "high". So yeah, I'll stick with the good old green for the time being before diving into the world of hallucinogens.
